Winter

The Year that the Northeast Went Beast Mode

I will start off by saying that I am in no way a winter person, so this article may be a bit biased. But no matter how much one may love the cold, snow, and ice, there comes a time in late February that promises feelings of anxiety, depression, and plain old disgust. I’ve felt this way since summer’s end, but that’s just me. Due to this winter being especially harsh for those in the northeast, I’ve decided to put together a little montage of situations that we will enjoy ridding from our lives as spring approaches.

1.) Enduring weekday mornings without a garage or automatic car starter.

As if waking up and getting to work on time wasn’t hard enough, try factoring in brushing, scraping, warming, and digging out the car. I’d give just about anything to have a cozy garage for my car to sleep in, but that’s something I sacrifice living in the city.

2.) Frolicking around in 25+ degree weather, cherishing its “warmth”.

This year’s snow accumulations have been ginormous and temperatures negative. With frozen lakes and astonishingly high snow piles, Mother Nature has taken no prisoners. All I can say is, Mr. Temperature better work on his attitude for next year!

3.) Becoming really good at hailing taxis on the weekend.

If you’re used to walking places, all of that changed this year. The bitter cold and snowy sidewalks have made it nearly impossible to venture out on foot. Going out on the weekends has gone from a simple walk up the street to a taxi-ridden escapade out into the frozen tundra.

4.) High utility bills, frozen pipes, and heavy roofs.

Who shovels off their roof? People in the northeast sure did this winter. Aside from the fear of your roof caving in, the anxiety that comes with opening the monthly utility bill has gotten old. You can almost hear your wallet getting thinner with every click of the furnace.

These are only the tip of the iceberg (pun intended) when it comes to this year’s struggle on the northeast. Spring is approaching, and if you didn’t notice by my frozen face, I am smiling! J

Law and Order

Law and Order

Laws. They protect us and guide us.

Similarly, workplace rules ensure a certain level of fairness, comfort, and civility among people who often don’t have anything in common except for their collective will to make a living. For the most part, workplace rules make sense – smoke in designated areas… adhere to company dress policies… don’t arrive drunk… and don’t eat onions and garlic within 12 hours of coming in to work.

Onions

A recent thread on reddit garnered nearly 14,000 responses to “the dumbest rule your workplace… has actually enforced.”

Not eating onions and garlic within 12 hours of arriving to work is one of them.

These “dumb”, and rather arbitrary, rules are often the result of some eccentric and controlling higher-upper: Need to use the loo? Pay your boss a visit to check out a roll of toilet paper.

Toilet Paper

Other times, it is the result of overcompensation for an accident that happened a decade ago:

“Where I work, we have to use sippy cups because someone knocked a cup of coffee onto their computer back in 2004.”

Sippy Cup

And then, on rare occasions, dumb rules are the direct result of dumb people:

“We have to wear safety gogles when using a stapler at work due to an idiotic employee. Yes. A stapler. For paper.”

Work Glasses

And if ridiculous workplace rules have you renouncing your love for Indian food, then make sure you’re not simultaneously living in one of these states:

Alabama: “Boogers may not be flicked into the wind”. So check the forecast before heading out to dig for gold.

Delaware: “No person shall change clothes in his or her vehicle.” Better come up with a better solution to prepping for your evening drag-queen side gig after your current shift ends.

Derby, Kansas: “Hitting a vending machine that stole your money is illegal.” Machines have no morals here.

South Berwick, Maine: “It is illegal to park in front of Dunkin Donuts.” This is serious guys; police are stationed in front to enforce this one.

dress-for-success

Dress for Success

Affluence is only thread deep; at the End of Days, no one lies dying thinking about the $43,000 Brioni suit they never got around to buying. C’est la vie, James Bond would have worn it better anyway.

A week ago, 36.6 million viewers united in superficial and judgmental bliss.

That’s a lot of pressure.

A month of preparations and you could still end up on the worst dressed list.

Thankfully, everyday people like us don’t have to dress under the weight of such vanity. We’re happy to be wearing a pair of stockings with no runs or a tie with no stains (or be doing so under the radar). In fact, some of us will even pay our organizations money to not have to dress to impress ($2 jean days anyone?). And for those of us who don’t have such a system in place, we’re willing to give up a little extra for comfort and convenience – maybe more if it’s deceptively professional:

Dress Pants Sweatpants – Betabrand

You could conceptually, and maybe ideally, wear these to bed and save yourself the hassle of putting on pants in the morning. Very likely worth the $100 when you calculate out cost-per-wear.

 

Dress for Success 1

Suit Onesie – The Suitsy

For those of us who prefer to streamline our morning dress routine, or, as the Suitsy creator so elegantly stated, “[look] professional but [feel] like you’re in pajamas.” Plus, you won’t have to worry about your shirt untucking. However, this design may fail you if your date gets cold, and your blazer is literally stuck to your shirt.

 

Dress for Success 2

The Pivot Sleeve – Outlier

If your button-up is holding you back from comfortably crossing your arms or reaching across the counter for that coffee stirrer, then $125 should be a no-brainer investment. The seams of this shirt, along with the rest of Outlier’s clothing, is engineered so that customers “feel the intelligence, not see it.”

Dress for Success 3

Studies have shown that how we dress can affect how we work, and ultimately, how successful we are. Much of this is how we perceive the symbolic meaning of our clothes and how it relates and fits in to society. So if $100 sweatpants and onesies make you to feel powerful, then you drop that bill and climb that corporate ladder! You’ll be doing so in comfort and with ease. Interestingly enough, the only strategically engineered fashion items we could find are geared towards men. Apparently, women are content with less-pliable fabrics and outfits containing more than one piece. Either that, or there’s a market waiting to be conquered.